The Desperate Kingdom of Love
by CardcaptorFanForever
Summary: After months of being away, Syaoran has returned to Japan asking for forgiveness from Sakura after breaking her heart. But Sakura has a dark secret of her own, and she has desperately been trying to forget. Unfortunately the past never stays hidden for long, and if it is revealed, will Syaoran ever forgive her?


"So, have you heard about Syaoran coming back to town?" Tomoyo asked me as we made out way into the school parking lot. This was not new news to me. Syaoran has sent me a message the week before saying that he would be moving back after being away in Hong Kong for our last semester and the whole summer. "Yeah. I heard."

"You going to be okay?" I thought hard about this. I didn't necessarily know if I would be okay. Syaoran and I had been together for quite awhile and have always been that happy couple everyone was jealous of, up until a few months before he moved away. In those last few months, he became cold and distant, always on edge and snapped at almost everything I did or said. He acted similar to how he had when we first met. We got into a fight one night over how he had been acting, which resulted in Syaoran saying some horrible things to me. I don't remember much about our fight, only a few things. "_You have been suffocating me and I just can't take it anymore." "It's as if you love me more than I love you"_ _"I think it would be best if we just took a break from each other." _Needless to say, we broke up that night. The next day he was on the first flight back to Hong Kong. I never understood what happened, or why. Syaoran never returned any of my phone calls, never explained anything that happened between the two of us. One thing he had made clear though. It was my fault.

"Yeah, I think I will be. Don't worry about me Tomoyo!" I turned and smiled at my best friend as I turned off my car engine and stepped out of my car. I took a look around at the school in front of me and took a deep breath of fresh air and smiled again. It had been a rough few months for me, and I needed a clean slate. Even if Syaoran would be back, I was going to be okay. This I was certain of.

* * *

Syaoran was in my class again, although this didn't surprise me or anyone else. Everyone seemed to always be put into the same class every year for almost our whole school career. A school joke maybe? The moment Syaoran walked into class my heart sunk. And sunk. It felt like it had sunk so much I swear it had fallen out of me. His hair was longer than before, but just as messy. It also looked as if he had gotten fitter over the past 5 months. I could feel myself getting sucked back into whatever kind of hold Syaoran Li had over me, but I quickly stopped myself. And of course, Syaoran was assigned to sit right behind me. This was more like a sick joke to me now.

What was left of my heart was pounding so hard I swear everyone in the room could hear it beating against my chest. It was as if time had stopped. He sat down and he didn't say a word. Nothing. The lesson began and time started again. I was about to crumble in my seat when Syaoran tapped me on my left shoulder very lightly. I turned my head slightly towards him and for merely a second, made eye contact. _Oh how I forgot how beautiful his eyes were…_

"Can we please talk? After class." He had said it so quietly I would not been able to hear him had our teacher not paused at that exact moment. I stayed silent for a while, contemplating whether this was a good idea or not. Would it be worth having Syaoran stomp all over my heart once again, if I was able to talk to him? I nodded my head once and turned my back to the front of the class.

* * *

The classroom was now empty. I could hear laughing and screaming from my classmates outside, excited about their successful first day back to school. I turned from the window I was looking out of and laid my eyes onto Syaoran. He kept looking away awkwardly, probably not knowing what to say to me, but I stayed firm and kept my eyes on him.

After what felt like eternity of silence, I finally couldn't take it anymore. "You said you wanted to talk, so talk."

Maybe Syaoran was shocked at my sternness, cause his eyes widened a bit and sat up a bit straighter. "How are you?"

I stood up from the desk I was sitting on in anger. "I didn't come here for you to make small talk. If you are going to waste my time it'd be better if I just go." I began walking toward the door, but Syaoran was too fast for me.

"Please stop. Don't go." He put his hands on my shoulders and I looked up at him, deciding for the second time today what to do. I turned around and sat on the desk again and waited.

"I know that whatever I say won't excuse what happened Sakura. What I said, it wasn't right. It was horrible, and completely untrue. You don't even understand how sorry I am. " I noticed that he could not stop fidgeting, a habit of Syaoran's when he was uncomfortable. Apologies were never his thing, being as stubborn as he was. In the time we had known each other, I had only heard Syaoran say sorry a handful times. "Those last few months together, I don't know what was going on with me. It felt as if things were going too quickly, not just with you Sakura, life in general. Our relationship was getting more serious; my mother was asking me to go back to Hong Kong and study magic again. I guess I just cracked, and I said all the horrible things to you, none that I meant whatsoever. I know it may be an impossible hope, but could you ever forgive me?"

I hadn't said a word as he talked, and I hadn't thought about this. Should I forgive him? All that pain I went through to try and get over him, was it worth throwing it all away and giving him another chance? Was that even what he was asking? "You really hurt me Syaoran."

"I know and I'm sorr-"

"Stop. Let me talk...you really hurt me. All those things you said, even if you didn't mean them, but they really stayed with me. I cried myself to sleep for weeks after you left until one day I just didn't feel anything anymore. It was as if I was numb to the pain. I didn't cry. But I didn't smile either. I didn't laugh. I couldn't be happy. All I thought about was you. It was like you broke me. But then one day, I smiled. The next day, I laughed. Day after that, I felt happy. But I never stopped thinking about you. You may have hurt me Syaoran, but that never stopped me from caring." I was surprisingly calm during my speech. I had always imagined if this time ever came, I would be like one of those women in movies who screamed at the man who broke their heart.

"Sakura…I am so sorry. You will never understand how sorry, and I know nothing I do will ever be able to make up for it, but please give me a chance. Could you ever forgive me?" I looked into Syaoran's eyes as he said this, and I swear I could almost see his eyes watering.

Once again I took a few moments to think about what I should do. Here was Syaoran, the love of my life, begging for my forgiveness. Was it worth it?

I stepped off the desk. I looked out the window and without realizing, the skies had grown darker. The sun had begun to set and it was breathtaking. I turned and begun to walk. Syaoran looked down to the floor, looking defeated. I stopped in front of him and he looked up at me.

"I forgive you."


End file.
